My girl called me crying because she got dumped. I mean...it happens right? But she got dumped for a Bimbo! Her ex man is rocking this girl on his arm like she's Michelle Obama. The insanity of it all is that it's no secret that the Bimbo's vaginal car fax is much to be desired. Anyway, that didn't stop him for posting lip locking selfies on his Instagram page of this "new love." Oh...I guess this isn't the time to tell you that he gave the girl a promise ring which was also posted on Instagram. Call me insensitive but while my girl was crying, all I could think to myself was, "Man, Hoes be winning!" What are these hoes doing that the rest of us are not? I grabbed the Hoe-clopedia and did a little research and I think my findings might surprise and help you.
The good thing about owning two businesses is that you have access to a lot. I know a ton of people that buy desserts from me for events or that are enrolled in my meditation program. At any rate while researching I called an actual prostitute that works in Vegas, a reformed hoe who is now happily married, a good guy friend who hires escorts while traveling, my male cousin who just likes fast women, and my current boyfriend who has had a few wild experiences. I wanted insight from all angles of why these hoes are winning and why perfectly sweet women like my girl were losing. What did this girl have on her anyway? Unfortunately, I discovered that she had a lot on her which included winning personality traits. Yes...I know what you are thinking. Hoes with character? ABSOLUTELY! These hoes have character like you've never seen.
I thought to myself, what if all women could adopt some of these personality traits? Then, I guess hoes wouldn't be winning and you wouldn't be getting dumped for them. Anyway, I know you want to know what these hoes are doing because it really has nothing to do with sex so kick up your feet and take notes.
1. Hoes Don't Play Games - yes you know that game you keep playing with your man? The one where he calls and you don't pick up? Yes that game. Then you clean up your apartment, go grocery shopping, get the car washed, talk on the phone to your home girl for an hour, comb Instagram, then you call him back 5 hours later? Well...my darling the hoe aint playing that game with him. She, unlike you, doesn't play games.
2. Hoes Stroke Egos - I know his belly is a little round and he probably didn't need a burger for lunch but why did you mention that to him? Why would you say, "yuck babe you know you don't need that burger with that extra cheese." (inserts frown face) He knows he doesn't need the burger with extra cheese but at his hoes house he can eat whatever he wants. She's not frowning up her face. In fact, she is driving him straight to Five Guys where he gets a double patty. After he washes that down she tells him how big, strong, and handsome he is. Why? Hoes stroke egos. While you're complaining she's telling him how smart he is.
3. Hoes Are Fun - tons and tons of fun! I'm not just talking about sexually either. Hoes just aren't uptight. A better word for this is being a prude.They know how to relax and enjoy life. They crack jokes and laugh at them too. If he wants to go to the movies to see Mortal Combat she's down to go and wants to go because it sounds fun. Meanwhile you're talking about how stupid the movie looks. Fun means open and easy going. Are you easy going or are you a prude? Hoes are fun and that's why your man is hanging out with them. If you are a little uptight then that's an internal problem that is easily corrected. I discovered a book called, "Why You Aren't Married Yet." That changed my life. You have GOT to get this book!
4. Hoes Are Available - while you're sitting there pretending to be busy you know: taking meetings, brunch with the girls, yoga class, and that appointment with your therapist you are losing. Your man wants to spend time with you but your unavailable because you're doing all of this other crap. I do all of this as well but it's balanced. I see women intentionally crowding their schedules and then wonder why their man isn't around. While you are being "fake busy" he's calling someone who isn't. Most likely, Hoe-isha (the one who is about to take your place.)
5. Hoes Aren't Complicated - spare me the sob story about your childhood girlfriend. We all had one. That being complicated for no reason, arguing, being defensive, being mean (whether its to him or not, he's watching you,) and putting up walls is a headache. Hoes aren't complicated. They go with the flow. He's not going to sit there and try to figure out what's going on with you. Not at age 30. There's some hot 25 year old who would love to listen to him talk about Steph Curry. He's not arguing with you about your insecurities. Nope not at all. Especially if he stopped fussing with you a long time ago. He's just going to hop in that whip or that flight and peel out to Miss Non-Complicated's apartment.
Isn't that interesting? I got one tip from each of the people I mentioned earlier. It actually had nothing to do with sex. After looking at my notes before I wrote this, it boiled down to one thing. It's easier. Men like for their dynamics with women to be easy and non-complicated. So, how can this work in your favor? Just don't be complicated. I know so many women that complicate things for NO reason. Just being weird and off putting just for the sake of doing it. All of those unhealed wounds are highly unattractive girlfriend. If you don't want to lose out to these hoes then it's time to adopt some new ways of being. You know? Be a little hoe-ish! lol (I'm kidding...kind of.)Tell him how much you appreciate him. Watch the game with him and be quiet (even if you hate it.) Stop arguing and picking fights. When he calls, if he hasn't done anything wrong pick up the phone and talk to him.
Here's how I see it. I live in Atlanta, Georgia. There are beautiful women everywhere and there's nothing really special about me. I always laugh when women tell other women how amazing they are because every women in Atlanta is that amazing as well. You know what I mean right? Pretty, nice body, college degree, car, own place, disease free, no children, a job, or business owner, smart, can hold a conversation, cooks, cleans, goes to church. Yea...they are all extremely unique and special right? I just named every woman in the city so that's nothing special. Plus, men don't really care about that. He's going to be with the person who makes him feel good. The one who brings him peace. When I'm in a relationship I have never worried about getting left for another woman. If a relationship ended it was probably because we were simply incompatible. Or he was crazy. Yes...I'll admit to dating a few crazy guys. Here's why I don't worry. I make sure my man is important or at least thinks he is. If he goes out with the guys one night in Atlanta, he's going to see a TON of beautiful women. One might even give him a little sexy look from across the bar. That sexy look is for the birds. It doesn't work on my man in the VNiverse because not only do I give the sexy look but I make breakfast in the morning, sit and watch the football game, listen to the drama about work, listen to the crazy family stories, let him hangout with the guys without calling him 50 times, don't nag, tell him he's the most handsome man on the planet, laugh at jokes, I send him jokes, but most of all...I'm his peace. A man will never put his peace in jeopardy. Start being his peace and these hoes will stop winning.
Oh yea! Don't forget to loosen up with the "Be Playful" meditation. It will help you chill out a little bit and might even be more fun in a few minutes. It's free so don't trip! DOWNLOAD NOW
Written By: V. Taybron Creator of VNiverseGalaxy.com
Watching the news for the past few days has brought me to tears. It's not the first time it has happened. We call it being "Black in America." Fourth of July was a few days ago and although I cooked food I couldn't bring myself to celebrate it. Who among my people are free? Those of us who go on to do great things work our fingers to the bone to buy our freedom. Even those awesome music artists that we dance to tell us in interviews that they are slaves to the music labels until they get big enough to create their own. Then when they own the rights to their music catalogs they end up dead, it's blamed on a drug overdose, and the rights to their music goes back to the slave owner also known as the label. Stop killing us!
The countless shootings of our unarmed Black men and young boys. Let's not forget our sisters who mysteriously end up dead while in police custody. We need a Black solution. Fighting violence with violence has never been the answer. Marches and protests don't seem to work too well either but money does. They brought us here and all of a sudden now they don't want us here? Seeds grow wherever they are planted and my people you are a seed. As a people you don't realize how powerful you are. Not only did our ancestors build this country but we feed it. We are only 13% of the population but we hold the spending power. In 2016 Blacks spent $1.2 trillion dollars and it is estimated to grow to $1.4 trillion by 2020.
Stop buying things you don't need that money doesn't come back to our community. When you spend $50 at the nail salon every week our community never sees that money again because the owner of that salon takes that money you gave them to empower people who look like them. Not you.
I made an executive decision to not only stop buying things I don't need but my dollars are only going to circulate back into my community and my people. I researched Black owned banks to move my money to one. I also looked up Black owned business lists. What I found was webuyblack.com and blackbusinessnetwork.com you don't repay them with violence you hit them in their pockets. Stop giving them your money. Period!
Do you know who you are? If any of this scares you it's because you don't know how powerful you are. My boyfriend put me on to Hidden Colors. Its a video series about who we are and where we come from. I was lucky enough to learn a lot about myself when I attended Clark Atlanta University. This Historically Black College University let me know that it was beautiful to be Black. Then, I graduated and assimilated into society and forgot who I was. Until my boyfriend said he wanted me to watch the Hidden Colors series with him. Then I got my power back. It's the untold history of our people around the globe. Order it, watch clips on youtube, whatever you can and then share that information with anyone who will listen.
Now I have to speak about our relationships and broken family structure. Divorce is all too common in our race. Abandoning children is all too common in our race. Pregnancy without marriage is all too common in our race. What's done is done but it doesn't have to continue. Women, we have to be more supportive of our Black men because society doesn't want them here. Black women stop calling them, "dead beats, ni**as, mutha fu**ers, and everything else that kills their spirit. We have to start speaking life into them again. Oh, and Black men? Stop sleeping with women you don't see a future with. If you don't want her, release her because you are ruining her self esteem. Then she's suspicious of all men. Commit yourself to becoming better inside and out. Focus on self development. If someone around you is toxic feel free to drop them like a bad habit. You are under no obligation to remain loyal to anyone or anything that doesn't grow you.
I took it upon myself to research Black owned banks to move my money. This morning I told my Black man that I loved him and I'm taking responsibility for the part I am playing in society to ensure that I'm apart of the solution that will help move my people forward. Maybe some of my solutions will help you too.
My Action Step Solutions
1. Buy only what you need
2. Buy Black
3. Know who you are by reading books and watching documentaries like Hidden Colors
4. Don't fight violence with violence
5. Restore the Black family
6. Mentor and help other Blacks create their own businesses
7. Don't spend money unless the spending will make me money
8. Make sure that I give a percentage of my monthly earnings to the Black community
9. Never forget that I am my brother and sister's keeper
10. Pray without ceasing
Hopefully you have some solutions of your own. I am currently working on a list that will show what Black businesses are in the area that you can go to. These are business owners that I know are pouring back into the Black community. I will add to the lists as I learn more. Right now I am residing in Atlanta so I am going to start with Atlanta. Please comment and share businesses that you know so that this list can grow and be shared. As you can see the list is very short so please send me people you know and can vouch for. Remember that pro Black does not mean anti White. We are all in this together. God Bless!
Meghann Monroe Atlanta, Ga Owner of Get Glam'd Hair Salon & Store www.getglamdhair.com
Stylist Jeenah Atlanta, Ga specializes in natural hair care 404-997-9181 goodhairintl.com
Miss Jessie's worldwide hair care products for Black women with natural curls www.missjessies.com
Kales of K Boss Nails firstname.lastname@example.org or 216-466-7922
Nita of Imnails 3232 Peachtree Road Atlanta, Ga 30305 suite B #127 email@example.com 757-338-4840
If you subscribe to a music streaming service subscribe to Tidal since Jay Z owns it and we know that he and Beyonce pour money back into our community
Alfred Shivy Brooks www.alfredslaundry.com
The word “NO!” Such a small but powerful word. Have you ever seen a child discover this word? When a two-year-old stumbles upon the word “no” they are excited, confident, empowered, and unfortunately annoying. As I grew older this sense of empowerment was lost because the world around me said it was impolite to say, "NO!" Although this was partly true it affected me. My boundaries were broken down. I was no longer able to protect myself. Removing this word from my vocabulary had me doing things I didn't want to do. There goes happiness sinking down the drain. Until, I reclaimed my power. I reinstated my favorite word. We’ve all heard the saying, “it’s not what you say it’s how you say it.” This is true and I’m going to provide a few real life situations that I've experienced. You might be able to use these scenarios to keep your boundaries in place by using this little but powerful word, “NO!”
We’ve all had someone ask us to borrow a few bucks right? Money is a touchy subject. Just because a person is a family member or friend doesn’t mean that they are entitled to my money. If they ask for money and I don’t feel 100% comfortable giving it to them, then it doesn't happen. Or if it does, I weigh the pros and cons. Will this person be in the position to pay me back? Are they an asset to my daily life or business? If they are then they can work to get the money back by completing tasks. This is what our jobs do. We show up to work, do the work, then a direct deposit hits the bank account. If you do decide to let them have the money for reasons only known to you then make sure it is an amount you aren’t going to miss. It’s not 100% guaranteed that you will ever see that money again. I have many friends that rationalize helping out family members saying to themselves, “well I was only going to use the extra money to get my hair done.” My response is, “And so what?” That is money that you earned with your efforts. If you are not comfortable simply tell them, “I am not able to give you any money at this time.” Now if you have bailed them out of situations in the past that response is going to shock them. They might want an explanation of why you have decided not to give them money at this time. Always know that you do not owe anyone an explanation for what you have decided to do with your money. If you must explain yourself to them then say, “I am not comfortable with giving you money and since it makes me very uncomfortable I have decided not to.” If you are pressed further on this issue then you should re-evaluate their place and position in your life.
Sometimes you just don’t feel like it. Many of us give in way to much. Those compliments, words, the way they walk, gifts, and amazing dates bring many of us out of our royal shells. I admit that I was this “pleaser” in the past. I wanted to please the guy in my life even if it meant it wouldn’t make me happy at the time. It took a lot of reading, praying, healing, and worth building before I truly understood that I am pure magic. You do you realize that your body is sacred right? If you are not comfortable sharing your body with someone else then you do not have to. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for not wanting to share your lamp of love with them. You might be tired from work, practicing celibacy, abstinence, it might violate your religious beliefs, you might not trust them, or they might not be your husband or wife. No matter what YOUR reason is, its your reason and you don't owe them anything.
Your friend’s car broke down and they called you instead of Enterprise Rental Car. Well aren't you lucky (insert sarcasm.) You know you’re not a car rental business, correct? This phone call always baffles me because there is roadside assistance, Uber, Lyft, Taxi cabs, the bus, the train, a helicopter, and more. With all of those options available you should have been the last person in which they called. This is money out of your pocket because while they are driving your car or using you to drive them around that is gas being used from you tank. Not to mention how much of an inconvenience it might be to you. If you tell them “no” and they ask “why?” Here’s a question I like to ask, “What would you do if I wasn’t around?” This is a great teaching moment because it forces them to think about the options that are available. Don’t inconvenience yourself to provide convenience for them. This does not make you a bad person.
Time is one thing that we can never get back. How we use our time is important. You know that one friend or family member that keeps calling you to complain about life? After you talk to them all of a sudden you feel drained? This is wasted time. Energy is transferable and if you take the time to sit and listen to it then you will be infected with those defeated feelings as well. You don’t have to pick up the phone but if you must as soon as they start complaining, change the subject. If this doesn’t work then every time they say something negative immediately say something positive. One of two things will happen. They will either become really annoyed with you or they just won’t call you anymore. Either way it’s okay because you are protecting your space from this energy vampire. Don’t let them suck the life out of your spirit with their negativity.
The world in which we live in is governed by choices. We all have the ability to decide what we want and what we don’t want. Protecting your space and maintaining your happiness is important. If you aren’t 100% comfortable with something exercise your power to say, NO!” You are in complete control of your life and you have every right to be happy. Do what I do and get your happy on! I'd love to hear what you think. If you agree with me or even if you think I'm completely out of my mind let me know. Leave a comment below.
Angela Renee White also known as "Blac Chyna" has done it again! Chyna teach us your ways wise one! She takes the bricks that are thrown at her and makes houses. She is the Ringmaster of the circus. How many times have you been upset at something a guy did to you? He cheated on you, left you for another woman (a younger one,) talked about you like a hit highway pooch, and now you are looking dumb as a box of rocks.
We have all experienced it. This is what happened to our girl Blac Chyna. The difference is, she decided to play chess in matters of the heart and wins every time. Amazed at her responses to super shady behavior, I began to study this "Heroine of the Heart." I discovered 10 love lessons that can put us in a better position in matters of the heart.
The Tragedy: Rapper Tyga (Chyna's Baby Daddy) left her for Kylie Kardashian. Kylie wasn't even 18 years old at the time. How embarrassing is that? Could you imagine getting dumped for a kid? To make matters worse Kim Kardashian and Blac Chyna were best friends at the time. How does your best friend's baby sister start sleeping with the father of your child? This would make anyone run and hide.
#1. Don't Hide: Blac Chyna doesn't tuck her tail for anyone. In fact she got even more visible when it happened. When a guy does something foolish to you, it is not the time to shrink yourself or to cry from pain. Be visible, put on that red dress, show some teeth, let other guys be nice to you, and enjoy your life. There's more fish in the sea and if you're like Chyna there's probably a perfect pond standing right in front of you.
#2. Befriend The Enemy: Kim K and Blac Chyna were joined at the hip until Kylie stole Tyga from right under her nose. The only response after this is to befriend the enemy. This is where Amber Rose comes in. Amber was the long time girlfriend of Kanye West. What better person to link up with than the enemy? Talk about 48 laws of power! Amber Rose and Blac Chyna's new found friendship immediately became the talk of every blog stealing the spotlight from the Kardashians. Now, I'm not telling you to befriend the enemy but definitely get out and make some new friends.
#3. Think Through What You Go Through: It is important to know how to use your head and your heart. Our hearts make us think irrationally. If you can think for just a few moments then you are exercising emotional intelligence. Don't fall apart! Just think. What can you learn from what you are going through? How can you monopolize from this? Maybe your story of heart break can help someone, heal someone, or become the topic of a blog or e-book that generates extra income. Think about it. How can you make money from your tragedy. This is what Chyna has done.
#4. Shock Value: The best way to get the world's attention is to shock them. We all were startled to discover that Blac Chyna was now in a relationship with Rob Kardashian. The only male Kardashian left to carry on the name. How did they even hook up? Who called who and asked for a date? It really doesn't matter. What matters is that no one saw the last of Chyna. You steal her Baby Daddy and she will steal your brother and get him to propose. Now you have to figure out how to be one big happy family. Thanksgiving should be interesting.
#5. Stay Relevant: You aren't just "some girl" or "some baby mama" you are a thinking woman with gifts, talents, and more. Make sure the world knows that. You can do this by staying relevant. If you own a business keep pushing your business and your brand. Be so good they can't ignore you. Chyna kept showing up to do events and appearances. She appeared as the leading lady in a steamy video with Future. She even released a skin care line called "Lashed" by Blac Chyna. Don't get bitter, just get better.
#6. Make Them Talk: You never really hear Blac Chyna issuing any statements about her behavior or the behavior of others but she somehow always gets them to respond. Tyga is always tweeting his little feelings on the internet and Kylie is always sub-tweeting something. We all know that if you get someone to react to you then, you win! I hate to say it but its just the immature nature of human beings. Stay silent and let them do the talking. All press is good press right?
#7. Act Like You Don't Hear It: Everyone in the world has something to say about Chyna. She's this, that, a stripper, a baby mama, and everything else but who cares? People are always going to talk about you whether your actions are right or wrong so be like Chyna. Act as if you don't even hear them. It's your world and everyone else just so happens to be there.Get a Ph.D. in Ignoring people.
#8. Date Someone Completely Different: We've all heard about Tyga's financial issues. He's not exactly selling any albums. No one cares that he's a rapper anymore. He's now just Kylie's boyfriend. If Kylie dumps him then he has to depend on those struggling album sales and let's be honest...can you name 3 songs he has? Neither can I, my point exactly. In this case Chyna dated someone completely different. A non rapping, wealthy, Armenian man, what's that? Oh yea! A Kardashian. The point here is, why when a guy breaks your heart, you go out and date the same type of guy. If that guy is flat broke why would you go out and date another broke guy. If he was a struggling rapper why would you go out and date another struggling rapper? Learn the lesson the first time ladies. Stop dating the same guy in different bodies. Find something new.
#9. Be Open: When we experience heart ache we tend to shut down and close ourselves off. Believe it or not this actually blocks love. I'm not saying jump into something you but you definitely shouldn't stop dating. Date and let men be nice to you. Date multiple men without having sex. What you are doing is filtering out the bull crap. You are trying out a few things to discover what is right for you. If you are a Black woman and say, "I don't date White guys." Well, how do you know if you've never dated one. Be open like Chyna. Love is everywhere and could be right in front of you. He might not be chocolate like Idris Elba with a six pack but can love you just the same.
#10. Forgive: Heart ache can cause you to become bitter. If you are bitter that means you haven't forgiven yet. When you don't forgive you don't manifest things like magical love. You have to learn to forgive and let go. The women who forgive and let go easily not only meet new men but they meet much better men. Just ask Ciara and Mariah Carey. There isn't a shortage of men so stop thinking that. There are plenty of men that you can meet that won't make you cry.
Whether its real or not between Chyna and Rob only they know. What we can say is that she had the ability to do what his entire family couldn't do. She got him to smile again and that was worth 7 carats. Leave a comment and let me know what you learned.
Of course you think this isn't about you, but for some strange reason you clicked on it anyway. In the back of your mind you're wondering to yourself, "is my vagina wack?" So...you're over 30, single, keep going back to your ex, haven't had a good date in years, and when you get a date he never calls you back. You keep telling everyone that you don't need a man because you are perfectly fine all by yourself. Yes girl I know it! But we both know that's a lie. You scroll instagram and you don't like your friends picture of her and her boyfriend because...it's not you. Why isn't it you? I get it but it's no one's fault but yours.
Being raised by a man and observing my Dad live in marital bliss for over 25+ years gave me a LOT of insight. I got to watch the dynamics of a working, quiet, drama free, no cursing, non voice raising union for decades. It's like my parents are unicorns. There are things you do, and things you don't do. I discovered that my step mother's vagina is the holy grail. Always has been, always will be. She would be mortified to hear me say that, but it's true. My Dad has been googly eyed over this 4'11" chocolate goddess for years and he still buys flowers, smacks her butt, gives compliments, kisses, and surprise gifts.
Lately, in my own relationship I've been feeling like my vagina is made of pure gold. What the heck am I doing right? I was in the kitchen cooking. I looked up to see my boyfriend staring at me like I was some sort of model. Of course I blushed and giggled a little. It made me feel tingly all over. He said, "I will never do anything to mess this up. I would never want you to leave me." Wait...what? I mean I feel the exact same way but I didn't know that he did. That's how my Dad felt about my step mom all these years and now someone feels like that about V? OMGEEEE!!! In that moment I realized I'd mastered what my step mother had been doing that made my Dad love her all of those years. Does your vagina suck? If it does, I'm sure you want to know how to fix it.
Let's get it out there in the open. This has NOTHING to do with your vagina and everything to do with your attitude. Here's a secret the government does not want you to know, "all vagina is pretty much the same." Yikes! Did I say that out loud? I know you think yours is special but here's what makes your speaker box special. Are you ready? The less of a headache you are, the more your vagina is held in high esteem. There's a powerful thing between your ears...your brain. When you use your brain you get what you want in love. If you are mean, annoying, nagging, jealous, insecure, and needy then your vagina is right now at about a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. It sucks. You are alone simply because you are a headache and too challenging to deal with. There are a number of things that you could be doing to rectify this but I'll give you the top six.
#1. Willingness to Serve: when my boyfriend had his moment did you realize where I was in the house? I was in the kitchen cooking for him. I was cooking baked turkey wings that had been in the oven for 3 hours, sauteed kale, and a potato bake. He had the remote in his hand, feet kicked up on the couch, and I brought him juice. These are all things I saw my step mom do for my Dad. She served the both of us daily. It was that thing in the house that men like to call "peace." Now, you don't have to be Paula Dean in the kitchen but how willing are you to serve the person you are with? Do the laundry, cook, clean, sit thru the football game. If it is all about you then chances are that you might be selfish. Men don't want to be with, nor pro-create with a selfish woman. Learn how to serve.
#2. Shut Up: women we talk too much. Way too much about well...anything. There are a ton of women that open their mouths and never even ask the person of whom they are conversing with, how there day is going? Men are not our home girls and they just aren't that interested in talking to you about Sex and the City and how Carrie Bradshaw has an expensive shoe habit. Learn to be comfortable in the silence. Are you capable of sitting in silence in your home without texting, talking on the phone, being on Facebook or Instagram? If the answer is no then you have a bigger issue. You need constant attention and stimulation and that might require a therapy session or two.
#3. Who's Wearing The Pants?: you are taking out the trash, killing the spiders, getting the oil changed, paying for dinner, vacations, your bills, and his? Oh Hell No! You think that this makes you a good and supportive woman but what it really makes you is the second man in the relationship and a fool. Men are wired differently. They need to be needed and God created them to protect and provide for their families. When you don't allow them to do these things for you they don't feel needed. Why should he feel needed if you've got it all under control? A man that doesn't feel needed in his relationship will go somewhere and fulfill that innate need. Now, don't get me wrong, life happens to everyone. There may be a time when you have to chip in but if you are doing EVERYTHING then you are the second man in the relationship and eventually...he will leave your little boy-ish self.
#4. Back Up: just because he doesn't want to spend 3 hours on the phone with you like he did in the beginning of the relationship doesn't mean he's losing interest. Again, men are different. Do you remember when you first started your new job? There were so many things to learn. You learned about the different systems, your co-workers, and how things are done. Once you mastered that, then you were a pro at your job! All you had to do was a little training every once in awhile. You were on track to a promotion and a fat raise! The same concept goes for dating. Give him space. When he pulls away to curl up in his "Man-shell" it has nothing to do with you. He just wants a little time to recharge, binge watch his favorite shows, catch up with the guys, shoot pool, not brush his teeth until noon on Saturday, and not lotion his elbows since you aren't around. Guess what??? This is totally okay! Let that man have his alone time without you calling, texting, and tweeting every 5 minutes. Go paint your nails or head to yoga class.
#5. Flirting: we are living in the technology age. I know couples that have gotten married from meeting on Facebook and Instagram. That is beautiful and it means you can find love anywhere. A word of caution here...it's not okay to flirt with the world. You're a woman and I know you think it's unfair but you can't do the things that men do. You can't go out and have casual sex without being considered a slut. You can't cheat on your man and be forgiven. You also can't flirt with and respond to every single guy that comments on your selfie and pops up in your DMs. People see it, especially the man you might be interested in. If you entertain every guy that comes to you, your vagina stock just fell below sea level. You no longer seem like a prize to be won, you seem like every other regular chick in town. Choose your flirting wisely don't flirt with everyone.
#6. Smelly Cat What Are They Feeding You?: I wish I didn't have to say this but I do. If you have ever met a woman that smelled a little like a long day in Egyptian sun fetching water or like a Japanese sushi restaurant raise your hand? We have all smelled a woman like this. This is not okay ladies. You might have had an off day but you can't have an off season. Men can burp, pass gas, scratch their nose, and all that other stuff but you can not. Like I said before he doesn't want another guy he wants a lady. This means that you can't be walking around smelling like french onion dip and then want to cuddle. He will hit the Heisman on you real quick because you smell girlfriend. Handle it! In regards to the vagina. Ladies we have an open organ and you have to eat foods that help you keep a healthy Ph level down there. If you know you have an issue cut back on the sodas, sugary foods, acid, stuff like that. Here's some info on foods that will help your vagina stay healthy, fresh, and strong CLICK HERE
Did you see a few things that you could change? Of course you did! It's scientifically proven that if babies aren't loved, they will die. We grow up and think we outgrow this necessity but we don't. Without love in our lives we all die a little inside. God created us for one another. The love of your life is out there and in order to catch and keep him you might have to make a few changes. Those women who make those changes are the "Helen of Troy-esque" vaginas that men have went to war over since the beginning of time. Are you willing to make a change? Leave a comment and let me know what you think.
Have you ever been dating a guy and it's going so good? I mean knock your socks off magical good? If it feels like that then the man you are involved with might be pretty awesome. We are all adults. If you are over the age of 30 then that man has dated someone before you. This someone that he has dated might have trouble letting go. This is known as the case of the crazy ex girlfriend. The ex can be a...what do you call that thing? Oh yea! A pain in the ass! I want to give you some tips so that you know how to handle the crazy ex
Here's How to Handle The Ex
1. Don't - Oh so you thought I was going to tell you what you should say to her right? Well...hell no honey! I consider myself a Queen and you should too. With this being said you don't handle her at all. As a Queen that means you sit upon a throne. Dogs bark at the moon all the time. Does the moon ever bark back? Never! Remain royal don't reply to her crazy texts, emails, calls, or anything else. Queens don't associate with the court jester.
2. Communicate - If you are dealing with an ex then that's your man's problem. Not yours. Keep an open line of communication within your relationship. Approach him in a calm and graceful manner and let him know how you feel about it. If he truly cares about you he will make it his business to handle it. If he brushes it off, you might need a new man girlfriend.
3. Instinct - Check in with yourself. As women we all have gut instincts. You know when someone is telling you the truth or not. Like...are they really still involved behind your back? Or nah? When I was in college I took a course on lying. It was taught by an FBI specialist. When people lie they do it to protect themselves and believe it or not, they do it to protect you as well. After learning how to detect lies in conversation, I was amazed by how many times people lie from day to day. Sometimes its amusing. As a woman you have to listen to your instincts. It's that still small voice that God gives us to let us know if someone is telling us the truth. Never ignore that voice.
4. Insecure Much? - When you are being contacted by a crazy ex girlfriend it's because she's insecure. Why else would she contact you? You're happy and well...she's not. If she was happy she wouldn't be contacting you. Ladies don't fall into the twisted web of the crazy ex girlfriend. I have seen so many awesome relationships ruined because a bitter ex girlfriend reared her ugly head.
5. Don't Get Angry - If the man you are with loves you, then he feels bad that you are dealing with his crazy ex. Don't yell at him. Don't get angry. Remember that he has feelings too. Talk it out and work it out. Don't get mad and break up with him. Breaking up is for the weak. Relationships that last 25+ years don't last without work. Find a happily married couple that has been together a few decades. Ask them how they survived. I have talked to couples who have survived sickness, car accidents, cheating, children outside of the relationship, falling out of love, and falling back into love. If you plan to be with someone for life then get ready to experience things that might happen in...LIFE!
Those are a few of my tips and I hope you take heed to them. Your inner being always knows. Let's be honest ladies. Some of those women are just bitter. You know a few Bitter Betties right? When Ursula rears her ugly head her ignore her. You're the little mermaid remember? The prince that was created for you will go to the ends of the earth to keep you happy.
Most of us are just too emotional. Here's an inside tip that the men won't tell you to your face. The emotional train wreck women always lose. Being crazy will never keep a man. If you are a great woman, smart, funny, good job, cook, loving, and you're single? You might just be crazy. Get that under control ASAP! There is nothing attractive about craziness. It's a snore.
Last but not least when dealing with a crazy ex girlfriend make sure you are safe. If you have to take legal action, please do. Life is too short and the world is too big and beautiful. You're safety and well being is of the utmost importance. Have you seen that movie, "A Thin Line Between Love and Hate." What about that movie 'The Perfect Guy." Unfortunately things like that happen every day. You never know who a person really might be until you do something they don't like. If you feel that you might be in danger report it to the authorities. Also tell a trusted friend or family member. You're well being is important.
A few years ago I encountered a book called "The Four Agreements" it changed my life forever. It made me become an emotionally intelligent human being. If you are dealing with a crazy ex you are dealing with someone who lacks emotional intelligence. Someone who doesn't love themselves. You have power but we don't use it the right way. We emotionally lose our minds over any and everything. Don't lose your mind. Keep it. Keep it in perfect peace. Checkout "The Four Agreements" and learn how to put things in perspective and control your emotions. Nothing anyone does is because of you. Everyone is living their own experience. Stay perched on your throne ladies. Ignore those crazy ex girlfriends.
Do you love God but every once in awhile life causes you to turn up? I know the feeling. While minding your own business driving on the highway someone cuts in front of you and you lose your religion. Didn't they see you on the road? No...they were busy texting while driving. This really pisses you off. Immediately you hit the gas on em' honey! Pull up alongside of them and give the person behind the wheel a stare down of a lifetime. You might even yell, "are you serious?!" If you do this, then, YOU my friend are a "Spiritual Gangsta." It's when you love God but you're no pushover. You won't let life roll over on you. You're perfectly human like all of the other humans. You pray, meditate, and believe, but from time to time the flesh gets weak. Loving God doesn't make you a punk. In fact, it makes you strong beyond measure. Next time, when you have to stick up for yourself remember that you are a "Spiritual Gangsta" and that is perfectly alright.
Want to show off your "Spiritual Gangsta" side? Grab one of these stylish notebooks and celebrate the "Spiritual Gangsta" in you. CLICK HERE
Our homegirl Celine Dion knew what she was talking about when she crooned, "all by myself, don't wanna be, all myself." If anyone feels you Celine, I feel you. We don't care about that cold bed until that first winter wind rips us across the face. Weren't we just taking selfies on the beach? Two winters ago I was the center of loneliness. I got called to do some work in Orlando. As I sat in my hotel suite I thought to myself, "what would you do for a Klondick bar V?" That's when the phone rang. "Hello!" I said happy to receive a phone call. "Where the hell you at?" It was Mark. "Hey Mark!" He was the guy I entertained when the guy I really wanted wasn't paying attention to me. Or knew I existed for that matter. After a fun loving conversation of telling Mark all my business I realized I missed him. Why wasn't I dating Mark? I mean he was kind of a big deal. He was on tour, about 6 foot 4 inches of Amistad, he wanted to see me every day, wanted me on tour with him, and did I mention he was such a good listener?
About 72 hours later I flew my desperate 115 pound self right into Mark's arms. Over the course of the evening we shared laughs and a cocktail or two. We were having so much fun and then, he started crying. Wait...what did I miss? His speech started slurring and he got upset and yelled, "you think you're better than me! You have a loving family. You're family loves you. I didn't have that! My mother was with all different types of men and I had to watch her. I fought men off of my mother! Why do you think you are better than me?!!!" He was yelling and all of a sudden I remembered this part.
I pushed him very lightly in the right shoulder. As usual, the drunk jackass fell down flat on his back in bed and went to sleep. As he slept I looked at him. Oh...that's why I stopped dating him. He was an alcoholic and refused to admit it. Let's not forget the deep seated emotional issues. What I was really pissed off at was myself. What made me come back here? I'm not that desperate am I? Apparently, I was. From the outside looking in Mark was the total package. Nice car, own place, pretty well known, fun career, tall, dark, handsome, no issues with cheating. Then...behind closed doors? He was a train wreck. Terrible money habits! Can't hold onto a dime. You're highly likely to find and old pizza box from two weeks ago underneath his bed. An alcoholic, and goes without seeing his child for about 6 months at a time. "The boy is good, he's with his mom and her dude," he says. Let's not forget the fact that he kept saying, "we should get married V! We are going to get married!" Oh yay! How exciting, I've been waiting to marry someone as responsible as you my whole life. *insert sarcasm here*
As he slept I started crying. I had lost my freaking mind! How did I get here? All because I was lonely? Well...yes I was thirsty for companionship. When he was sober he was fun. He appealed to my ego and called me words like, "beautiful." Grab the violins please! I left him that night. I tripped over the stupid pizza box laying on the floor and left never to return again. I had to go get my mind back wherever I left it. I wondered if it was possible to feel love without a person physically being there.
I discovered that the answer was a resounding, "YES!" I jumped into self awareness like nobody's business. I worked on my soul like Leonardo DaVinci was working on his latest creation. I learned how to garner self love. No, seriously my self love methods got so good I started sharing them with groups of friends. Taking time for me and figuring out what self love was allowed me to experience newness in love. I made new friends, attracted better guys, and even saw an increase in my business. Self love? That's where it's at honey! Right now your girl is swimming in all the love. What if you could love without conditions? What if no matter how anyone else was behaving in your environment, you could be so secure that nothing moves you? You wouldn't be so tempted by those lonely nights and would repel everything that God hasn't designed for you. It is possible, because I did it. It took a lot of work but it doesn't have to take you forever.
If you are ready to discover how to love without conditions then join my upcoming meditation course. Now I am feeling the love everywhere I turn. People come to help me when I need it, my current partner is the most loving man I've ever met, I'm working well with others, and everything I touch is turning to gold. All because love is my state of being. Let's make love your state of being. Don't allow loneliness to make you do something stupid (like tripping over pizza boxes.) Those that change their lives seize opportunities for constant growth. I'm excited about what's to come for you. Love is about to become your state of being. JOIN NOW
12 January 2016
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Monday night sitting in my apartment wrapped in a blanket. I, like millions of others across the nation tuned into the guilty pleasure of foolishness known as, "Love and Hip Hop New York." B.B.O.D. is a girl rap duo from Harlem. The acronym stands for "Bad Bi**hes On Deck." It should really be called, "Big Baby On Deck." At any rate, their names are Moe and Sexxy Lexxy. They are real good TV. The type of personalities where you hold your pee until commercial break. They are supposed to be expanding their music careers as a unit but the "baby on deck" just can't get her life together. This is ruining the forward stride of the team. I have a ton of insight that you can take from this because although America tunes in and laughs at their demise, this can be any of us. This could be your team losing with eyes watching. Don't let this be you! Let's explore ways to avoid this dreadful path.
What is a team anyway? A team is simply two or more people coming together with the same mission in mind. To WIN! In essence a team most likely wants to win, they see the vision and decide to work towards that vision together. Every once in awhile someone loses their mind on the team. It happens because its the nature of people. We all have our own lives to lead but when it starts effecting the team you are in big trouble. This is the case for our beloved daughters Sexxy Lexxy and Moe. Our dearest Moe is making the team lose Moe-mentum. Get it? I just made a joke right there. LOL! Anyway, Moe thinks it's all about her. Honey, girlfriend is conceited as the day is long. Her father financially supports the group (not that this is a problem.) But I'm sure it gives way to an air of cockiness. It's Moe's way or the highway in every way. When she shows up she's beefing with her Manager, fighting a girl she had an altercation with years ago, and even turning up at her events. How Sway? I mean why create a team if it's only about you. There is no need for a duo if you want to be solo right? Someone forgot to tell Moe that. What's worse is that Sexxy Lexxy is trying so hard. I just love her to pieces. Even in her friends current demise she is loving and supportive. She keeps "what is best for the group" in the forefront of her mind. Lexxy arranged a sit down talk for Moe and the Manager to talk out their issues but Moe still being upset from a previous conversation wasn't here for it. Lexxy then went to Uncle Treach. Do ya'll remember Treach from Naughty By Nature? You do? Yay! Well that's Uncle Treach. He gave her some awesome advice about how labels back in the day used to have artist development but these days if you don't have your stuff together you are out of there! He said that Lexxy should talk to Moe's dad. As the financial backer of the group he is part of the team. Lexxy trying again to fight for her team drove to sit down with Moe's dad. He opened up with, "Moe's head is bigger than all outside." He agreed that some changes had to be made. Fathers most definitely know their daughters. In perfect TV moment fashion, Moe walks in with her mother and sister. Moe starts turning up of course and...so does her mom. Like mother, like daughter huh? Stretch your hands toward her father because I know he needs a shot of scotch every once in awhile dealing with these women. Well...needless to say it ended with Lexxy walking out the door and announcing that she's going solo. Moe didn't seem to care at all that she lost a perfectly loyal team mate. I guess they are handing out loyal people at the local Walmart right? Get your Doritos, Patty Pie, and a loyal team mate to go. We will see how this pans out in the following weeks to come. For now, lets go over some tips to strengthen the team you are on:
1. Time Management - time is a very important skill that we all must master. Its so much more than being on time for a job. It's balancing out where others are weak. If you are strong in one area but a team member is not, offer to help them in that area because it saves time instead of them figuring it out alone. Keep in mind that interruptions knock you off track like phone rings, texting people who aren't there, and clowning around. It's about mindful consideration. Although you might only have one thing to do today be mindful that other members of your team might have plans for the other teams of their lives. Family, friends, love, and other businesses are teams they might be apart of as well. Manage time and be considerate of your team's time when you work with them.
2. Communication - it's not what you say, its how you say it. Communication is a two way street and everyone should feel like they are not only being heard but that they are understood as well. This is where being approachable comes in. Being approachable means that people are comfortable in speaking with you. Your body language is open, friendly, and inviting. Your verbal language is enthusiastic and positive. You are listening to understand with a yes in your heart, not listening to respond.
3. Positive Reinforcement - emotions are contagious. If one person on the team is down then you are all down. What we say and do effects everyone around us. My grandma Annie used to say, "kill bees with honey." Every once in awhile all team members little bee stingers show up. Again, like I said before its human nature. Take the high road. Don't pull out your stinger in return. Fight that bee with honey. All bees love honey. If they yell at you don't yell back. Reassure them that you believe in them and their abilities. You are all on the same team. If you want to be proud of your choices as a team player you must control your responses.
4. Difficult People - as a team you will encounter difficult people, especially if you gain momentum. A difficult question, customer, situation, and more awaits you as a team. Here's how to handle it. You simply, anticipate it. As a team you know its coming so prepare your mind for challenges. Nothing catches a team by surprise whose team members are prepared. EVER! In the Love and Hip Hop case. Moe had an altercation at her event because emotionally she was hurt by the guy she was dating. She invited him to see her perform and while talking to him another girl walked up that he was also dating. Moe didn't know he was dating other people and naturally, it hurt. The guy is wack by the way, but that's not the point. Moe and this guy weren't in an exclusive relationship. Therefore she should have prepared herself for the idea that he might be entertaining other women. Furthermore, this was her event. Everyone was watching. Even though it was a difficult situation she should have exercised her judgment and gracefully ignored his entire existence. It was her big performance moment and she let a few difficult people ruin it not just for her, but her team mate Lexxy.
5. Conflict - did you know that conflict was good? Some of the best teams will tell you that. The problem is lots of team members run at the first sign of conflict. When conflict arises, and it will. It simply means that the entire team is passionate and simply loves each other a little too freaking much! I work on a few teams and I love them all so much that every once in awhile I would love to push them right into a damn sandbox! LOL In conflict though, you always want to make sure that the conversation ends in a "I win, you win" manner. You are on the same team. This means fight fair while in conflict. To fight fair means: no yelling, cursing, personal attacks, or interruptions. Learn and grow. Oh, and most definitely don't throw in the kitchen sink. That's where you take the lowest jab you can possibly find. You don't do this because emotionally if you injure your team mate you'll never get them back. They might decide to go solo leaving you to pick up the slack.
I work on a few teams and they are all pretty important. On Team Daughter I make sure that I connect and honor my parents at all times. Even when they get on my nerves. I'm 30 years old but I will always be their child. Making sure that I honor them as they continue to nurture me is of great importance. Next up? Team Romance! I love this team (inserts googly eyes) my Chocolate King is the absolute best. I truly believe in him and his plans for life. I support it to the fullest and in turn he supports me. Like this morning when he said, "You're constantly on my mind beautiful. I want and need only you. Be patient with me, you won't regret it." Ooooo I get chills just typing it. Dats Bae!
The next team I'm on is The Single Wives Club. It's affectionately known as "The Dream Team" everyone on it is insane! No seriously, we are crazy when it comes to being great. We talk constantly, even when we don't feel like it. We work as a unit, even when we don't feel like it. But honestly we always feel like it because its not about how we feel. It's about what the people need. Most of the steps I gave you in order for you to work as a team come from my work with The Single Wives Club. It's an organization that helps to prepare single women for marriage. I don't know about you but I want a love that last forever and I'm not willing to ever give up on love. In this organization that's what we do. We simply help women position themselves so that they can effortlessly manifest love. It works wonders. When your self esteem grows, so does every other area of your life. This dream team consists of: Koereyelle DuBose, Lakia Brandenburg, Alicia Fitch, and me. We are all in very happy, healthy, passionate, loving relationships. Team Love is what we are all on and I want you to be apart of Team Love as well. My desire for you is to become an excellent team player in all of your associations. The Single Wives Club just opened up membership to everyone! If you are ready to manifest love in your life or as I like to call it "level up" then I invite you to become apart of our Team of Love. CLICK HERE
I cried for about a day and a half. Yes somebody call in the violins. You know that cry where your nose starts to run a little bit, your eyes are red, you look in the mirror and say to yourself, "get it together woman!" Well that was me a few days ago and I'm sure it's been you at one point. I realized that as women we've been told a lie. That lie is how we relate to our men. Get cozy, relax, and prepare to listen to this one because it will save you a little drama by learning from my recent mistake.
The holidays were wonderful. I spent time with my family. My parents are the absolute best. My Dad and step mom have been married over 25 years and are still very in love. Then there's my mom who's full of spunk and uniqueness. My mom and step mom are two completely different women with their own gifts and talents. Anyway, I landed back in Atlanta from California. The first person I called was my boyfriend. Yes, it's true. If you've read the previous blog the "Chocolate Pharaoh" and I are still at it and going strong. I missed him SO much over the holidays and I'm sure he knew it from the influx of text messages. I got my bags from baggage claim and walked to the shuttle because I parked my car in one of the off site airport lots. I was SO sleepy from 6 hours of flying. It was cold in Atlanta and raining. The first shuttle got full so I couldn't get on it. I've been having slight back issues (thank goodness for my Chiropractor) but the luggage was beyond heavy. During this time I was on the phone chatting it up with my boyfriend. We will just call him "J" because typing out "Chocolate Pharaoh" is cute but a little extra every other sentence. We aint got time girl. "Let me call you back," J said. "Why?" I replied pouting. I let him get off the phone but I had a little attitude. Didn't he know I was outside in the rain, waiting for a second shuttle, sleepy as all heck, hungry, with a 40 minute drive ahead of me? Of course he didn't. He's not a mind reader and I never communicated any of that to him. The shuttle took me to my car. I got on the road for the 40 minute drive ahead. In my exhaustion I took a wrong turn and that drive turned into almost 90 minutes. Home safe and sound I carried my suitcase up the 3 flights of stairs to my apartment. J still hadn't called back yet and I was pretty pissed off about it. So pissed that I decided that I was going to TURN UP! I called him back raising my voice, "WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME BACK?!" To which he replied in a very calm voice, "I had to make a phone call." Not satisfied with that answer I said, "WHY?" Still cool, calm, and collected J says, "who are you talking to?" Refusing to back down I said, "I'm talking to you." Then thinking I was the head chick in charge on the battle field I let him have it. Yelling and fussing. Silence...he breaks the silence by saying, "oh okay." That was it and we got of the phone. Let's not forget that I said, "It's cool don't even worry about it" before I hung up.
I told him right? WRONG! What I almost did was ruin a perfectly great relationship all because I was tired. Do you know what would have happened if I communicated effectively? It would have went completely different. If I would have called him back and said, "Baby I'm a little upset. When we were on the phone the first time I was really tired, hungry, outside in the rain, had to wait on a second shuttle, and not in the mood for a 40 minute drive home. Although you currently can't do anything about that, talking to you while I'm currently experiencing all of that just brings me comfort. So when you had to go I was a little irritated but I understand and I'm home now. How are you doing?" I mean it really would have been that simple. I complicated it with overreacting. It's important to know yourself. I've discovered that when I'm sleepy I am a little gremlin! No seriously you know how some people act crazy if they are hungry? I act crazy if I'm sleepy. So I went to sleep. Once I woke up the next morning replaying the conversation in my head I said to myself, "OMG V! What in the world were you thinking?"
I called J...no answer. I texted him an apology for being rude. No response. I called again, you know maybe he was sleeping. No answer. I texted around 5pm. No response. You see where this is going right? Maybe someone stole his phone. Or maybe he was kidnapped (highly unlikely.) OR, maybe he just wasn't putting up with my bull crap and had nothing at all to say to me for yelling and cursing him out for no reason. (Yes it's true your meditation leader loses her mind every once in awhile. Welcome to the human experience.) Well that's exactly what it was. Like a jackass I cried about it. No like real tears. What made me think that I could just yell, curse, disrespect, and snap at the man I adore and that he would still want to be my man?
Ladies we've been lied to. We've been tricked into thinking that we can go toe to toe with our men and win. We can't, they won't stay with us and stick around for that because no man wants a woman that he has to do battle with everyday. Life is already challenging enough. Who wants to fight with someone that they love? I certainly don't and I know you don't either. I felt horrible. I'm certainly not built for fighting and arguing (did I mention I'm 115 pounds soaking wet?). I felt so bad and wish that I could just rewind the clock and do it over. He never called back. By this time I just needed a little pick me up so I took myself to see a movie. I love movie popcorn and the movies. It helped a little bit.
The next morning still no answer. I called. No response. I reached out to my Best Friend Ronada. She's my favorite person in the world and you can tell her anything. It's over ten years of friendship with this girl. She's down to pray for me or fight with me. We all need a Ronada in our lives (she's mine you can't have her.) "Ronada I'm freaking out I'm thinking now that something happened to him I hope he's not hurt. What if he was walking down the street in New York and got hit by a bus. Or arrested for walking while Black?" In pure Bestie fashion she says, "I'll call him" so she did. Do you know he picked up the phone? What? Oh no he didn't! He just didn't want to talk to the little gremlin...me. Refusing to give up I called one last time. He picked up and here's what I learned about my man:
He doesn't want to be with someone he has to fight with. He likes peace and serenity. There was also no reason to take my current circumstances out on him for no apparent reason. He's not going to be disrespected, talked to crazy, or told what to do. Oh, and it won't ever happen again. These are from the notes I took while he was talking. Yes, I took notes because I needed to know what bothered him but I already knew. "I hate fighting V and I've been through that. I like you because you're different. We had a fight, that doesn't mean we are breaking up. Do you remember when I told you I'm not going anywhere? I meant that. You don't have to get dramatic about it. We just have to communicate like adults. I really like you. You're gorgeous, smart, intelligent, spiritual, you cook, you're funny, you're a little crazy, my little drama queen, and one of the best things that happened to me this year. I look forward to us growing more together." Can we say music to my ears? I've always prided myself on elegance and being a lady but I sure didn't exercise it yelling, fussing, and yes a curse word or two when talking to my man. Ladies we can not dishonor the men in our lives and expect them to stay with us. Here's some things that will help you so you don't ever have to experience this, or if you have, to never experience it again.
1. You get what you are - this year I had two focus words. One was prosperity and the other was becoming. I wanted to become a woman who could attract a loving person in my life. We are all mirrors. The man you attract is just like you. Truly he is because you only attract the type of person that you are. Like attracts like. I was really happy when I attracted J because over the past year I had become so happy, grateful, connected spiritually, loving, committed, open, honest, and so much more. He was the same way and we stumbled upon each other. If you want to attract a better man you gotta become a better woman.
2. Communicate - all I had to do was communicate effectively. My failure to do that almost ended my relationship. We all must become more effective and better communicators. Listen to understand don't listen to respond.
3. Vulnerable - its okay to be vulnerable. You are not the man in the relationship. You are the woman. He signed up to be with a woman so be that. Be feminine, soft, and supportive. Be his biggest cheerleader and don't be afraid to be open with him. You are on the same team. He's your teammate not your enemy.
4. Want Nothing - don't have any hidden agendas. I see a lot of women with all of these lists about the perfect guy but they aren't the perfect woman. How can you want something that you aren't? You want a millionaire but you can't even pay all of your bills? Cut it out girlfriend. Want nothing. The only thing you should want is what you are willing to give and that's love.
5. Be Teachable - you have to be open to learning within your relationship. Its about growth not just for you but for the both of you. You are there to enhance one another. He teaches me things and I teach him things as well.
6. Spiritual - talk to God about your mistakes. We all have made them and we spend a lot of time talking to our friends about it instead of our Creator. I talked to my Bestie about it but first I went to God about the mistake I made. Make prayer an integral and daily part of your life.
7. Stay Away - being mean isn't cute. I know reality tv has made it popular and profitable but being mean to people is downright unattractive. This past year I made a very hard decision to end a friendship that I had for years with one person and place a ton of distance between me and another person. Here's why. The friend I've had for years is downright mean and nasty to everyone. She thinks its other people and doesn't realize that she's the common denominator in all of her failed friendships. I had to let her go for now. The other friend means well...maybe, but when you disagree with her or don't give her what she wants she brings up that mistake you made in your past. Reminding you of something you have done that you probably want to forget about. Naturally I created lots of space as it is not a friendship that is emotionally safe for me. I'm sure there might be some mean girls in your circle. Poor habits rub off. Staying around mean women make you mean as well. Guess what? Men don't like mean girls. No man wants to sleep next to a mean woman nor does he want a mean woman raising his children. Find some happy women and adopt their habits.
8. Don't Let Out the Crazy - nobody wants to be crazy but anything that bleeds for 8 days and doesn't die is an unstable creature. Ladies we have all of these feelings and hormones. We must learn how to think before we speak and think before we act. Once you say something you can't take it back. If you are feeling a little cray cray distract yourself. Go for a jog, call a trusted friend, journal, or in my case just go to sleep!
9. Character - this year I decided not to make a vision board. Not because I don't believe in them I have several of them. I realized looking at my vision board that I was more focused on "getting things" instead of becoming things. I decided instead to make a character box (you heard it here first). I found words in magazines of the type of internal character I wanted to develop as a woman. I found words like: love, patience, kindness, freedom, fun, energetic, faith, and more. Before I knew it I was pretty much staring at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 at that moment I decided it would be my theme for the new year. I would focus on being the embodiment of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 which says:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
10. One Last Thing About the Nice Girls - so I'm 30 years old now and scrolling down my timeline on Facebook I saw a lot of the ladies I went to college with get engaged. Some of them were sorority sisters, orientation guides with me, or pre-alumni council. In school we were all so active and nice. The difference between them and I is I got into a few challenging relationships and my inner sweetness died. They kept theirs because they chose the right guys. Ones who didn't drain them emotionally. They protected their femininity and its no surprise that all of the nice girls are now engaged to the loves of their lives. Don't let your inner nice girl die. Go find her and bring her back. Reach inside and pull her out by any means necessary. Now to do that you might have to change your circle and leave the mean girls behind. You might have to stop picking up the phone for that guy who doesn't want to commit. Protect your softness. Become nice again not just for a relationship but for yourself. Men fall in love with nice women and nice women, they get married.
Don't buy into the lie that society has sold us ladies. If your goal is to bliss out in love then don't disrespect yourself or your mate by showing up with fear. Show up with love, show up with softness, and show up as your best self. My Chocolate Pharaoh and I are still going strong and the best is yet to come. Here's to 2016 Ladies!